Asking Sarah Palin to avoid using military references while commenting on the politics of the day is like asking Robocop to let a parking ticket slide. The bottomline: It ain’t happening.

So, taking my cue from ‘Cuda I will now proceed to walk a zig-zag trail through the minefield.

Carl von Clausewitz (not Sarah Palin!) said famously ”War is a mere continuation of politics by other means.” Quotes like that of Clausewitz didn’t establish the paradigm, they revealed it. As it turns out avoiding bellicose terminology is nearly impossible, which our current President knows only too well. His most memorable quote might end up being, “If they bring a knife to the fight, we bring a gun.” Change indeed.

So now that I have the President’s tacit approval, let’s reconnoiter (see?) the Tea Party Wing of the Republican political landscape in purely military terms. Shall we?

First Dispatch, Feb. 10, 2011; Camp Palin:

As I peek over an Alaskan ridge the first thing that strikes me is the sheer number of troops the General has at her disposal. The valley is a sea of humanity with columns marching on the green, and thousands of tents stretching out in rows that push into the foothills below. It’s a Seven Nation Army with artillery (Fox News), calvary (Tea Party), and air support (Facebook).

The danger is all around, but being an intrepid spy I wait for the sun to go down and descend under cover of darkness into the belly of the beast. My mission? Infiltrate headquarters and steal a file marked: WAR PLANS. Piece of cake.

I slip past the first sentry easily, she is too engrossed in Palin’s Going Rogue to notice me. Quickly I happen upon a coterie of enlisted personal gathered around a fire, so I eavesdrop and see if there is any interesting rumors floating around. I recorded the following:

“She’s the only one with the guts to point out that a majority of the Egyptian People might not want freedom.”

“Yeah, What if they have elections and vote in a terrorist group like the Palestinians did? What if the Muslim Brotherhood candidate gets ELECTED? Then what do we do?”

“I’m sure General Palin has thought of that. She was the only one to question the Egyptian People’s motives after all.”

“That’s true. Whatever else they want to say about her, she has guts. I’d follow her anywhere.”

Evidently troop morale is high. The RINOs and DINOs (I’m a double-agent) aren’t going to be happy. They have invested enormous resources in PSYOPS (psychological warfare) to break the will of the Palinista to fight, but the propaganda campaign is having little effect.

I wasted too much time here. I check my watch; according to sources from inside the Romney Camp, General Palin is convening a war council at 0:800 pm, Wasilla Time. I steal some elk jerky from a nearby mess tent and move on. 

When I finally arrive at Palin Nation Headquarters I walk right up and knock on the front door like any neighbor would. The door opens, and a smiling, self-effacing, and gracious lady answers…

This is the General that strikes fear into the hearts of liberal hordes? This is the General that posts a missive on Facebook and sends shockwaves throughout the land? I don’t need to see any more. I tell her I am sorry for bothering her and move along.

Second Dispatch, Feb. 11, 2011; Wasilla Starbucks:

Attacking General Palin is a tactical error, militarily speaking. (Reagan teflon)