The Queen’s Speech

Sarah Palin 2012
Sarah Palin 2012
Sarah Pailn 2012

The first thing I ever wrote about Sarah Palin dealt with the immediate reaction by some in the MSM to her unpolished way of speaking.

I argued, successfully I might add, that in the end people would come to realize that a Palin-type (read: citizen politician), will sound more like your neighbor than an elitist clone from a Sunday morning news program, and that’s a good thing.

This is not counter-intuitive, it is pure logic, and the Tea Party has finally figured it out.

The established order does not produce idealists, it destroys them, keeping only those who are willing and able to defend the indefensible at every turn with a polished turn-of-phrase. The default position of the Statist is a philosophical resignation to the inevitability of a return to the status quo.

Republicans speak the language of compromise to serve special interests, and Democrats speak the language of identity politics to defend their plans for income redistribution. The designated spokespeople for these statist entities all have one thing in common: they lie… proficiently.

Their rhetorical skills are only used to pander to whatever spectrum of the electorate that they need to get elected, reelected… and stay in power.

Washington D.C. can be likened to an enormous used-car lot. On every corner there stands a lobbyist selling his latest model, and the commercials for the deal run non-stop in the 24 hour news cycle.

What would it take to convince you that the used-car salesman was really on your side? I can only think of one way. Suppose the manager came out of his office and made you this deal-

You pick the salesman, and it can be anyone you want. “A friend of mine?” you ask. “Yes, anyone,” comes the reply.

Never happens, right? But if it did, what do you suppose your unprofessional salesman would sound like? Would he or she try all of the subtle phrases that will work on your emotions?  Nope, they would simply pull out the manual, look over the invoices, check the consumer reports, research the car’s history, and give you an honest opinion.

The real car salesman on the other hand will convince you he’s the best friend you have, for exactly the amount of time it takes to do the paperwork.

The key is that you wouldn’t care a wit whether or not your friend sounded like a professional. You would trade that for total trust… in a heartbeat.

More than anything else the Tea Party is the manifestation of a collective rejection of every slimy quid pro quo in Washington, and that necessarily also means a rejection of the spokespeople for all of these partnerships. They know the difference between a smooth-talker, and a plain-talker, and for the most part they have completely rejected the former.

Your friend, serving as your de facto salesperson, will never sound like the exotic species of animal typically refered to as a “Presidential Contender” because that herd almost without exception has been running for the ultimate office, or something close to it, since the 2nd grade.

The argument for plain-speaking has been easily dismissed in the past because it is so easy to belittle a rube caught up in the urbane swirl. How simple it is, and simple-minded I might add, to ignore what a person believes and how a person conducts their life, and instead focus on the superficial aspects of their character.

Three years into Sarah Palin’s very public national career few people have any idea what she accomplished as a Governor, but within 24 hours millions can be convinced that Palin is ignorant of a so-called undeniable truth of history… found in a poem… about Paul Revere’s “legendary” midnight ride.

The media soundbite is the only forum that the vast majority of people have available to them, and the more compact the message the better. “I can see Russia from my house” trumps a year’s worth of diligent and thoughtful policy-making for the insulated masses, and a campaign that uses the most simplistic platitudes will always have the upperhand at the outset.

Unfortunately, the only antidote for incompetence in the realm of mindless sloganeering is failure. Hope and change and “yes we can” may get you elected, but they are not substitutes for the day to day attention to detail required to create a legacy of thoughtful and consistent executive policy.

When McCain picked Palin it was akin to him picking your next car-salesman for you. The one thing that we haven’t had for a long time, trust,  is now once again available to us, if we are willing to ignore the plain-spoken everywoman dialect.

I decided three years ago to be a defender of Sarah’s career because I don’t care if my public servant knows the inner workings of the Department of Energy (Obama doesn’t either by the way), or how the Washington game is played, or how to raise money from special interests; I only care that they are not corrupt. Palin is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to put an adult with principles in the White House.

These things I know for a certainty about her-

She is running for President.

She will work diligently for the American people because she truly loves her Country.

She will inspire millions who are yearning for good to win over evil.

She is a true conservative.

She can be trusted.

(Bonus points are given, not deducted, because she sounds like my neighbor.)

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Howdy, my name is Jim Funkhouser and I write almost as well as Sarah Palin (verified at 7th grade level). I live in the kid-friendly town of Elberfeld. This lovely hamlet is located in God's Country (Indiana), US of A. My other blog, which you are cordially invited to attend, can be located easily by googling 'the' 'zonks' 'facebook'. There I do my best to reveal the best of 60's and 70's pop, rock, blues, and even country from time to time. Married for 29 years to lovely Rosanna Marie, with ten fantastic kids (Jimmy, Matthew, Aaron, Emily, Daniel (soon to be King), Niklaus, Madeline, Christopher, Wyatt, and the one and only Lucianne Marie. (Obviously all money collected in the tip jar will find its way into various nintendo and playstation software and hardware.) Please check out my book at Barnes and Noble or Amazon: We Were the Zonks! Email me at