The Battle For Middle Earth

The Hobbits Prepare For Battle

Evidently John McCain couldn’t stay awake for the entire movie. If he had he would have discovered that the real heroes in the battle for Middle Earth were not the kings, or queens, or any other establishment types.

The real heroes were the lowly hobbits of the Shire, led by Frodo, a reluctant but lion-hearted and trustworthy warrior-poet who was capable of denying himself the corrupting influence of the ring of power.

John McCain, you are no Frodo.

The point of the movie, which is no doubt lost on all of those who are unable to walk a narrow path, is that power is seldom relinquished by anyone. The seductive nature of the Ring of Power from the movie, Lord of the Rings, is the perfect metaphor for all the evil that percolates up from the cauldron of slime that is Washington D.C.  Like the siren call of crony capitalism, the moral of the LOTR story is lost on the Gollum of the Beltway, the RINO King, Senator for life, J. McCain, esq.

No one relinquishes power. They even switch political parties in their eighth decade ala Arlen Specter to maintain their slimy grip. The act of surrendering power is such a foreign notion to politicians that when it actually happens it isn’t perceived as the selfless act that it is, it is instead derided and ridiculed as too strange to be noble.

Frodos are rare creatures that take some getting used to. Power is what most people want, and what all politicians crave, so it actually makes sense for the few who demonstrate the strength of character to relinquish it to be hated for their selflessness.

Care to guess who I’m cleverly alluding to? Her initials are Sarah Palin.

I want to thank you Senator McCain for calling out Tea Party hobbits for special treatment. It made my decision to dress you down very easy. For awhile I simply placed you in the category: useless idiot.

I wanted to think even less of you, but I give you credit for introducing me to Sarah P. I assumed, wrongly as it turns out, that you had an honorable motive when you chose her. You didn’t. You simply wanted to use her to get more power.

My first instincts about you were correct Mr. McCain. You are a self-absorbed, feeble-minded, elitist. Thank you for your military service, now please go away forever and stop destroying the legacy of honorable suffering you endured while a POW in Vietnam.

When John Sydney McCain III referred to Tea Party Patriots as “hobbits” he had to have known that the de facto leader of the meek inhabitants of Middle Earth was none other than Sarah Palin. I didn’t immediately react to his effort to throw the only true conservatives left in America under the bus. I, like others probably, was waiting to see what Mrs. P. had to say, if anything, about Mclame’s backstabbing remark.

Judging from her speech at Indianola she was well aware of his slap at the Tea Party faithful, and I’m sure she understood that his characterization was also an effort to marginalize her in a back-handed fashion.

Ronald Reagan was dead-on when he proffered the 11th commandment: “Thou shalt not speak ill against any other Republican.”

Republicans love to eat their young, while Democrats gracefully ignore the most boorish behavior imaginable. Republicans support the old guard at all costs. Democrats thrust unknowns like Obama forward. This static form is not a failure of policy, it is a failure of faithfulness to the cause.

McCain needs to recognize that his political story, such as it is, is over. America can no longer tolerate a corrupt two-party/one ideology system. In 2012 we need a real choice, and as of right now the only alternative being offered is coming from the lowly hobbits of Middle Earth, and their ring-bearer, Mama Grizz.

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Howdy, my name is Jim Funkhouser and I write almost as well as Sarah Palin (verified at 7th grade level). I live in the kid-friendly town of Elberfeld. This lovely hamlet is located in God's Country (Indiana), US of A. My other blog, which you are cordially invited to attend, can be located easily by googling 'the' 'zonks' 'facebook'. There I do my best to reveal the best of 60's and 70's pop, rock, blues, and even country from time to time. Married for 29 years to lovely Rosanna Marie, with ten fantastic kids (Jimmy, Matthew, Aaron, Emily, Daniel (soon to be King), Niklaus, Madeline, Christopher, Wyatt, and the one and only Lucianne Marie. (Obviously all money collected in the tip jar will find its way into various nintendo and playstation software and hardware.) Please check out my book at Barnes and Noble or Amazon: We Were the Zonks! Email me at


  1. George Washington gave up power.
    Sarah Palin will give up power too – back to the states and individuals.
    Sarah Palin 2012

    • Great point. May I expand it a bit? It's probably a truism that the politicians who strain the hardest to maintain their office are also more likely to vote themselves more power and control via larger government. Another clue might how Dems are much more likely to fight for their office amidst scandal, while the Republicans tend to quietly go away. It's also probably true that conservatives don't enter politics as often because they don't seek to control others, and most often the MSM template for service is not cutting government, but proposing new and better programs. Candidates are expected to offer a "plan", and simply cutting programs doesn't seem like a plan to most people, even though it is.