DIVORCE AGREEMENT
DIVORCE AGREEMENT
–WRITTEN BY YOUNG COLLEGE STUDENT–
30 STAR RATING:
The person that wrote this is a college student. Perhaps there is hope for us after all.
Dear American liberals, leftists, social progressives, socialists, Marxists and Obama supporters, et al:We have stuck together since the late 1950′s for the sake of the kids, but the whole of this latest election process has made me realize that I want a divorce. I know we tolerated each other for many years for the sake of future generations, but sadly, this relationship has clearly run its course.
Our two ideological sides of America cannot and will not ever agree on what is right for us all, so let’s just end it on friendly terms. We can smile and chalk it up to irreconcilable differences and go our own way.
Here is a model separation agreement:
–Our two groups can equitably divide up the country by landmass each taking a similar portion. That will be the difficult part, but I am sure our two sides can come to a friendly agreement. After that, it should be relatively easy! Our respective representatives can effortlessly divide other assets since both sides have such distinct and disparate tastes.
–We don’t like redistributive taxes so you can keep them.
–You are welcome to the liberal judges and the ACLU.–Since you hate guns and war, we’ll take our firearms, the cops, the NRA and the military.
–We’ll take the nasty, smelly oil industry and you can go with wind, solar and biodiesel.
–We’ll keep capitalism, greedy corporations, pharmaceutical companies, Wal-Mart and Wall Street.
–You can have your beloved lifelong welfare dwellers, food stamps, homeless, homeboys, hippies, druggies and illegal aliens.
–We’ll keep the hot Alaskan hockey moms, greedy CEO’s and rednecks.
–We’ll keep the Bibles and give you NBC and Hollywood
–You can make nice with Iran and Palestine and we’ll retain the right to invade and hammer places that threaten us.
–You can have the peaceniks and Occupiers. When our allies or our way of life are under assault, we’ll help provide them security.
–We’ll keep our Judeo-Christian values.
–You are welcome to Islam, Scientology, Humanism, political correctness and Shirley McClain. You can also have the U.N. but we will no longer be paying the bill.
–We’ll keep the SUV’s, pickup trucks and oversized luxury cars. You can take every Volt and Leaf you can find.
–You can give everyone healthcare if you can find any practicing doctors.
–We’ll continue to believe healthcare is a luxury and not a right.
–We’ll keep “The Battle Hymn of the Republic” and “The National Anthem.”
–I’m sure you’ll be happy to substitute “Imagine”, “I’d Like to Teach the World to Sing”, “Kum Ba Ya” or “We Are the World”.
–We’ll practice trickle down economics and you can continue to give trickle up poverty your best shot.
–Since it often so offends you, we’ll keep our history, our name and our flag.
Would you agree to this? If so, you might want to pass it along to other like-minded liberal and conservative patriots and if you do not agree, just hit delete. In the spirit of friendly parting, I’ll bet you answer which one of us will need whose help in 15 years.
Sincerely,
A Law Student and an American
P.S. Also, please take Ted Turner, Sean Penn, Martin &Charlie Sheen, Barbara Streisand, &( Hanoi ) Jane Fonda with you, and don’t forget Alec Baldwin, Miley Cyrus, Lady Gaga.
P.S.S. And you won’t have to press 1 for English when you call our country.
Forward This Every Time You Get It ! Let’s Keep This Going, Maybe Some Of It Will Start Sinking In.
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Laurie B.
May 29, 2012 at 5:20 am
Who is this student? I want to know WHO wrote this. It's brilliant and should be recognized. Why can't they post this person's name?
Peter Egan
May 31, 2012 at 12:59 pm
I heard his name was Galt.
JJJ
May 29, 2012 at 11:26 am
Too be honest, I'm not a big fan of the Tea Party in it's new incarnation, but I'll go along. The NE goes to East Libralia -with all current states down the Atlantic as far south maybe including VA. West Libralia would be CA, OR, and WA -that's a no brainer. Alaska and Hawaii are plenty capable of being countries. From a self-determining perspective, they probably should have always had there own government. Everything else could be Conservalia, or whatever you chose to call it.
Or we could try marriage counseling if you think our relationship may be worth saving and working on it -beats yelling at each in the mass media.
Sorry, that I've hurt you so deeply that our problems seem irreconcilable.
David Prowse
May 29, 2012 at 12:37 pm
By asking who the law student is that wrote this shows some last vestige of critical thinking. This smacks of team effort.
Randy Parker
May 29, 2012 at 12:46 pm
This is an email that I've seen going around..
Peter Egan
May 31, 2012 at 12:57 pm
I am 1,000% for it! This is the best idea I've heard in a long time.
I don't want to give up on my dream of a massive yacht in the Caribbean, a harem of topless women feeding me strawberries and grapes in the warm sun while fanning me with freshly-cut palm branches.
I don't want to shut down my businesses, destroying jobs and eliminating my source of income.
However, I'd rather do all of that than continue to support the lazy entitlement class and the greedy rich left-wing class (the government workers who don't do anything but earn three times what we do on average).
We can't kill off this government with another bloody revolution. If the left decides to dispute the divorce or try to get us to pay child support and alimony, I say we all quit working for 18 months, then start over from scratch.
SHR
June 1, 2012 at 5:55 pm
Well said Peter…LOVE this post!…I WANT A DIVORCE!
Linda Secress Weyer
September 15, 2012 at 6:29 pm
Brilliant!
AdiosTeaParty
October 28, 2012 at 4:32 pm
I'm a liberal and I agree. This is a great idea. How fast can we sign the papers? And how fast will you go away once we sign?
Ganzalo
October 28, 2012 at 10:28 pm
Dumbest most uneducated ramblings I’ve ever read.
Georgette Mullin
November 13, 2012 at 7:21 pm
LOve this!
Guest
November 17, 2012 at 9:33 am
How is believing that "healthcare is a luxury" consistent with Judeo-Christian values?
You actually want healthcare to be accessible only to those who have the money to pay or who have it provided by their employers? Many companies won't let their employees work full-time so the company does NOT have to provide healthcare benefits (e.g. Papa John's), yet providing that healthcare would only take 10% of their profits. Judeo-Christian? Nah, more like greedy Judas.
The Jolly Thinker
December 19, 2012 at 5:20 am
What do you think Jesus would say about this? You clearly believe that Christianity is a key component of this new society you're proposing. How can you possibly reconcile these beliefs with His teachings?
How are you going to pay those police officers and fund the war in this tax-free utopia you've described? Public servants like cops are gonna need money to pay for "luxuries" like healthcare.
The "if you don't agree with me 100%, you're a liberal idiot!" attitude you've so eloquently described here is precisely why we are in this mess. Unmitigated selfishness is not an American – and certainly not a Christian – value. Seriously – if the Bible is so important to you, what do you think God would say about your ideas?
sam
April 22, 2013 at 5:07 am
Divorces have become so common in the country that there have been more divorces than marriages. The country has been on a mission to reduce this for quite a long time now. This is the reason they introduced the divorce agreement.visit the site