Old Soviet jokes become the new American reality

I’m feeling like a time traveler

By Oleg Atbashian

Posted: Nov. 12th, 2012

I have seen the future and ran away.

At first the move to America from the former USSR made me feel as though I had made a jump in time, from the stagnant depraved past into a distant dynamic future.

There was an abundance of commonly available futuristic contraptions, machines, and appliances that made everyday existence easier and more enjoyable. Less obvious but just as exciting was the media’s openness: I no longer needed to read between the lines to know what was happening.

Most importantly, there was honesty, dignity, and respect in relations among people.

Today I’m feeling like a time traveler again.

Only this time the productive, honest and self-reliant America is vanishing in the past, as we are quickly approaching the all too familiar future.

It is the future of equal poverty, one-party rule, media mooching, government looting, bureaucratic corruption, rigged elections, underground literature, half-whispered jokes, and the useful habit of looking over your shoulder.

It was nice living in America before it changed the course and followed Obama’s direction “Forward,” which, according to my compass, is pointing backward.

All of a sudden I find myself playing the role of a comrade from the future, helping my new compatriots to navigate the quagmire ahead of us.

Deprived of free political speech, Soviets had developed a culture of underground political jokes. I used to remember thousands of them.

Here’s one of my favorites, dealing with the discrepancy between the official narrative and the everyday reality:

The six contradictions of socialism in the USSR:

• There is no unemployment – yet no one is working.
• No one is working – yet the factory quotas are fulfilled.
• The factory quotas are fulfilled – yet the stores have nothing to sell.
• The stores have nothing to sell – yet people’s homes are full of stuff.
• People’s homes are full of stuff – yet no one is happy.
• No one is happy – yet the voting is always unanimous.

Already in America I discovered that most of my old Soviet jokes didn’t work in translation. It wasn’t so much the language difference as the fact that Americans had no first-hand knowledge of a totalitarian government, ideological uniformity, and shameless propaganda.

But that is changing. The more America “progresses” back to the Soviet model, the more translatable the old Soviet jokes become.

Let’s see how an old Soviet joke can be rewritten into a new American joke.

The six contradictions of socialism in the United States of America:

• America is capitalist and greedy – yet half of the population is subsidized.
• Half of the population is subsidized – yet they think they are victims.
• They think they are victims – yet their representatives run the government.
• Their representatives run the government – yet the poor keep getting poorer.
• The poor keep getting poorer – yet they have things that people in other countries only dream about.
• They have things that people in other countries only dream about – yet they want America to be more like those other countries.

There’s more where it came from – or where we’re going, whichever the case may be.

Source: WatchDogWire.com

Dr. Richard Swier

Dr. Richard M. Swier, Ed. D., LTC, US Army (Ret.)

Richard holds a Doctorate of Education from the University of Southern California in Los Angeles, CA, a Master's Degree in Management Information Systems from the George Washington University, Washington, D.C., and a Bachelor's Degree in Fine Arts from Washington University, St. Louis, MO.

Richard is a 23-year Army veteran who retired as a Lieutenant Colonel in 1990. He was awarded the Legion of Merit for his years of service. Additionally, he was awarded two Bronze Stars with “V” for Heroism in ground combat, the Presidential Unit Citation, and the Vietnamese Cross of Gallantry while serving with the 101st Airborne Division in Vietnam. He is a graduate of the Field Artillery Officers Basic and Advanced Courses, and U.S. Army Command and General Staff College.

Richard was the Founder/CEO of Sarasota Online, a high technology company that was sold to Comcast Cable in 1996. He helped start Backsoft Corporation an enterprise software development company in 1997 whose clients included Coca-Cola, Anheuser- Busch, Hyundai Electronics, Volkswagen, Moen and Goodyear. Backsoft was sold in 2001.

Richard twice chaired the Sarasota Better Business Council, sat on the Board of the Greater Sarasota Chamber of Commerce and served from 2000 to 2009 on the Board of Directors of the Community Foundation of Sarasota County.

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