Don’t Mess With Texas


MessTexHad a most interesting dialog this weekend with some people. I had fallen into a group on Facebook that presented themselves as “global citizens.” Being a Texan, and not so worldly, I fell into the trap of accepting their wisdom via the fact that they were from such exotic places such as India, England and any place other than Texas. Hey, I’m human, and I drink too much at times.     So, let’s examine the credibility of such personages as opposed to a simple old boy from Austin, shall we?

First, and foremost, in order to discredit a fool, such as myself, the charge of racist must be employed. Get your notes out there will be a quiz later. Charges of racisms are the replacement of logic, and sound argument with mental masturbation. Write that down. When someone, such as myself constructs a logic that is supported by evidence that cannot be refuted, the more “worldly” adversary retreats to the charge of racism, and their followers and associates begin to flog themselves feverishly in total acceptance of this “universal” truth.

After I left the group the site still remained on my iPad. During the following evening I looked at the membership, something I hadn’t done previous to this. I think there were about three or four white boys in the crowd, myself being one, and all the other names were, well, shall we say, not Irish. Racist enough for you? And the charge of racism is not the only brick in the wall. I seriously doubt that any of these over five hundred esteemed scholars had ever been to Texas, but they knew all about it! Texans are a bunch of redneck cowboys, riding horses and shooting their way out of bars, dragging every black person they can behind a pickup truck as the ghost of Judge Roy Bean laughs with fiendish glee from the infernal regions. Yeah, that sounds about right. Seems they completely overlooked the University of Texas, the Baylor Medical Center and the Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders.

Now, I wish to admit that I made a few statements which proceeded from a wine glass more than my intellect, and I will confess that these statements were inflammatory. Reference Miss Pamela Geller. Yeah, I’m gonna go there. For those of you who have been living under a big yellow rock, Miss Geller set up an art contest to draw, you guessed it, MOHAMMED! Now this drew the ire of certain, shall we say, “Adherents” to the faith, whereupon two of these noble men took it upon themselves to drive all the way to Texas with machine guns, where Miss Geller had apparently arranged a welcoming party who promptly blew their brains out. Right after that a couple of Mosques got incinerated in Houston, and I made the mistake of admitting openly that there is at least a possibility that we Texans approved of these actions. Well, get your prayer rugs out because we DO! I stand by my statement.

The debate began when a friend, Peter Ehlers, put up an article about some “cleric” over in Stupidstan who wanted the police to enforce some Islamic law forcing women to wear this silly bag over their heads. Now we have a cultural thing here. To a Muslim putting a bag over a woman’s head may be a holy thing, and I’m not saying it doesn’t have its place, but when a Texan puts a bag over a woman’s head it has a whole different connotation. As a matter of fact I’ve known some “two baggers” in my time, but the placement of such things has little to do with religion.  You don’t bag up a pretty girl, my neck isn’t that red!

The entire debate centered on my statement, completely ignoring the original premise, opting instead upon discussing the fact that I wasn’t in sack cloth, pouring ashes over my head, grieving for those poor dead homies up in Garland! You’d have thought someone had thrown a Big Mac into a pool filled with piranhas! And there’s no reasoning with these people. Here we have a couple of women who most likely have never been farther than the local fish market railing against me, and after listening to this nonsense I began to understand why Muslims wish to put bags over their heads. A little Duct tape might be appropriate, too. Anyway, I left the group as the occupants massaged themselves having rid their area of yet one more “Infidel.”

Ok, these people are a flock of fools! They base their entire world view on a man who claimed he rode a winged horse to heaven. You can’t make this stuff up. You have women being degraded in such a manner that would get you SHOT in Texas, and their women LIKE it! If I ever tried to put a bag over Frenchi’s head she would shoot me mercifully behind my left ear.

In conclusion I’d like to admit that I was wrong. I mistook these people as having a frontal lobe. Hey, it happens. I should have fallen back on time honored terminology from men much wiser than myself. Something so profound that it cannot be discounted.  Words inscribed upon signs, walls and the hearts of my people far and wide. Something where the language is so direct that even goats can comprehend it. Something those two guys in Garland fully understood right before getting their seventy-two virgins. DON’T MESS WITH TEXAS!

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The Butcher Shop is an alternative news source based in the Tea Party Tribune with an eye on God, family, and preservation of America. It is a collection of minds started by Bill the Butcher, a conservative op/ed journalist who began publishing forty years ago. We strive to make the articles informative, entertaining, and diverse. All you see will cause you to stop and consider. We try not to drone on with the same old day after day clap trap that may have driven you away from mainstream media. You will read things here that you will see nowhere else. We are from London to Austin to the Escalanté. So, what’s your cut of meat? Shop around. The Butcher Shop is happy to fill your order.


  1. In conclusion I'd like to concede that I wasn't right. I mixed up these individuals as having a frontal projection. Hey, it happens.