“Vanity” Publishers

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OldBoy

This isn’t going to be a major article, more of an advice piece, but I feel like it needs to be done. So, here we are on a blog site with the Tea Party Tribune, and we’re all generating copy for the people to enjoy. Every writer hopes that their work will go somewhere besides the bottom of a bird care, ok? Fame and fortune seems just out of reach. After a while you want your work to just go anywhere. I got a call from “anywhere” yesterday. These things are called “Vanity” publishers. That’s because they play to your “vanity.”

 

The rule is short and sweet; you don’t pay a publisher, they pay you! If you blog for years and never get a dime, you’re still far ahead of paying some “publishing” company to stroke you. The agent yesterday told me that I’d get sixty copies of my book to hand out to friends and family. I don’t need that. These companies thrive on the need for writers to hold something in their hand. To see your work in printed form is gratifying.

 

So this woman emailed me a “proposal.” There was all this stuff about what kind of “treatment” they’d give my work by “professional readers,” which is exactly what I write against. I don’t need professional readers, I need readers. Then, of course they throw in the “movie” contacts they have, always waving some future deal a book they did has. Ok, school’s in! If you write a book, and if a real publisher picks you up, and if it goes on the Best Seller list, and if millions of people read it, Hollywood calls YOU! Even then it’s not written in stone your book will adapt. Some don’t, some do.

 

No matter what the spin, when you get a call, and an email, the very second you see a pricing page delete that email immediately and block that company on your phone. If you are a writer you will continue to write. That’s what makes a writer, the desire to communicate ideas. The more you write, the better you get. Perhaps one day fate will smile on you, and if it doesn’t, just have your kid take a clock to school, that seems to work pretty well.

Bill the Butcher
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I write right off the top of my head. I’m direct, funny, and simple. The key word is, “simple.” I have a high school education from Killeen High in Killeen, Texas, and that’s about as illiterate as you can be, and they still let you drive a car. No use trying to slander me. If you want to dig dirt on me you’d better bring a dump truck, because friend, I’ve done it all. If there was anything I missed it’s only because no one told me about it, because if they did, well, I’d have done that, too! I call myself, “A Simple Ol’ Boy From Austin,” because when I fall short I can always say, “Hey, I told you from the start that I was stupid.”

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