Global Warming vs The Great Pumpkin


‘By Craig Andresen – The National Patriot and Right Side Patriots on

You Have GOT to be kidding me.

According to the ENERGY.GOV website…”At landfills, MSW (municipal solid waste) decomposes and eventually turns into methane—a harmful greenhouse gas that plays a part in climate change, with more than 20 times the warming effect of carbon dioxide (CO2).”

What the Obama regime’s Department of Energy is talking about here are two things…pumpkins and farts. The MSW to which they refer are this year’s left over Jack-o-lanterns which, when thrown away, decompose and turn into methane…more commonly known as…FARTS and PUMPKIN FARTS, according to Obama’s Department of Crap That Doesn’t Matter…lead to GLOBAL WARMING!!!

Some Jack-o-Jerk in that department wrote the following: “With the passing of Halloween, millions of pounds of pumpkins have turned from seasonal decorations to trash destined for landfills, adding to more than 254 million tons of municipal solid waste produced in the United States every year. This Halloween, think of turning this seasonal waste into energy as a very important ‘trick’ that can have a positive environmental and energy impact.”

Seriously…they ARE kidding…right?

No, no they are not.

Back to their inane, obtuse cyber-blather…

“It might not be long until the 1.3 billion pounds of pumpkins we produce annuallypum-2are nearly as important to our energy security as they are to Halloween!”

“We also put together some energy-themed pumpkin patterns to help ‘energize’ your neighborhood for Halloween. Send us photos of your energy-themed jack-o-lanterns via Twitter, Instagram, Facebook or email and we’ll share our favorites.”

Allow me to put this in some sort of rational perspective.

We’re talking about pumpkins here. Gourds. A vegetable. Pie filling. It grows, we use it for whatever the hell we want to use it for and when we’re done, we throw them out because they start to rot and smell bad. What would happen if we DIDN’T throw them out? What would happen to them if we never picked them in the first place?

They would grow, die on the vine, rot and start smelling bad. They would decompose just as fast in their natural, free-range habitat as they would being held captive in a land fill.

Either way…PUMPKIN FARTS would abound.

pum-3Back in 1984, at the dawn of the global warming religion which adopted Al Gore as its Messiah, 3 American scientists, Zimmerman, Greenberg and Wandiga, actually published a study after spending a gratuitous amount of time sniffing termite farts and reached 2 conclusions. First, that termite farts, while generally silent, nonetheless packed a powerful smell and second, that termites added some 150 tons of methane to the atmosphere each and every year.

They were talking about termites and ONLY termites while other scientists studied dozens upon dozens of OTHER bugs…apparently pulling their little bug fingers on a regular basis and guess what? OTHER bugs ALSO fart…a lot.

And those are just the bugs. What about other animals, aside from the regular (and I mean REGULAR) crowd at the Thursday all you can eat bean burrito buffet? Let’s say…COWS.

Well…cows, on a world scale, let loose of a staggering 76 – 92 MILLION metric tonnes of global warming farts EVERY YEAR. COWS…now add to that all the OTHER animals that fart…including my departed Aunt Bertha as when among the living, she gave termites a run for their money, and you’ve got a Fart-o-Rama going on but, keep this in mind…cowspum-4account for only about 10-15% of all methane butt-blasted into our atmosphere annually but it still adds up to a damn good deal more than PUMPKIN farts.

So why did I pick on cows? Because it takes 14 sheep or 22 goats or 74 farting pigs to equal the output of just 1 single dairy cow. That’s why. My departed Aunt Bertha? Equal to about 3 goats…per day by my reckoning although we never invited Zimmerman, Greenberg or Wandiga over to give her their official, scientific nasal appraisal.

The point is…animals and/or bugs farting are no more new than things that grow eventually decomposing and turning into foliage farts. It’s been going on since living things were invented. Guess what else has been going on since the beginning of this old earth?

THE WEATHER…and that is exactly what GLOBAL WARMING or CLIMATE CHANGE really is. IT’S THE  WEATHERpum-5…the natural ebb and flow of weather cycles.

Wooly mammoths, I’m reasonably sure, farted too but that’s not what melted off the ice ages. THE WEATHER did that. The world has gone through warmer times and colder times…wetter and dryer times since time began and nothing we do is going to change that.

Virtually everything alive, or that has ever BEEN alive, emits methane sooner or later and had it not been for that simple fact, we may well have buried Aunt Bertha somewhat prematurely as she was well known, in at least 7 states, for farting in her sleep.

But there’s the Obama regime’s Department of Cork It, advocating turning pumpkins into a viable source of energy while BLAMING our discarded Jack-o-Lanterns for leading to the APOCALYPSE.

This regime has spent, wasted, billions upon BILLIONS of our taxpayer dollars on green energy debacles over the past 6 years and now they’re pushing spending even MORE of OUR money to power our nation with…PUMPKINS???

pum-6According to a report emanating from the Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change, a division of the United Nations (of thugs, thieves and despots) biofuels, go-juice made from corn or other “sustainable” agricultural products may not, in fact, be helping at all when it comes to emissions.

“Biofuels have direct, fuel‐cycle GHG emissions that are typically 30–90% lower than those for gasoline or diesel fuels. However, since for some biofuels indirect emissions—including from land use change—can lead to greater total emissions than when using petroleum products, policy support needs to be considered on a case by case basis”

In fact, the production OF biofuel CROPS is CAUSING more pollution that it restricts AND it’s pushing UP the cost of FOOD which has a direct, negative effect on the economy. So why do Obama’s Fart Nazis think we can squeeze gasoline out of pumpkins?


Oh, I’m not saying it will NEVER happen…what I AM saying is that right now…there is no way of doing it ecopum 7nomically and just like nobody can afford the price of SOLAR energy, as demonstrated by bankruptcy after bankruptcy resulting in the closing of one Obama green energy company after another, nobody is going to want to take out a second mortgage to buy a gallon of PUMPKIN PREMIUM at the PUMP.

Trust me, had it been viable, we would have run a line from Aunt Bertha’s keester to the carburetor in the Buick and taken a couple of good road trips when I was a kid.

Here’s my advice…

Carve your Jack-o-Lanterns to look like Hillary Clinton as that should scare the crap out ofpum-8 (1)the kids this year and then, on Sunday, take a picture of yourself tossing the decomposing old witch into the trash can and send your selfies off to the Department of Energy with a note telling Obama and his regime not to stick their noses where they don’t belong…

Unless of course they want to kiss your ass…in which case…rip one off and yell…GLOBAL WARMING TRICK OR TREAT!!!


  1. Does this IDIOT know that every day trees fall in the forest and decompose, RELEASING gasses from the chemicals that the trees are made of? (these are the same "scientists" who think that higher CO2 causes global warming and who can't produce any data to show that global warming exists in the first place):

    Here is an article telling how al gore got it BACKWARDS as to CO2 causing warming. In actuality, warmer weather leads to higher CO2: