Spiritual WiFi

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Spiritual WiFi

Spiritual WiFi

When your phone goes down, combined with having no internet it produces a new mental condition causing anxiety, depression, and a profound feeling of loneliness. The sound of silence is so profound it overshadows everything. We have become so used to constant contact to the planet that even a slight delay in a download irritates us. Recently I caught the virus.

For no reason at all my iPhone went dark. At first I thought that it had updated and was recycling. No, it had passed. It went suddenly, without pain, but I performed CPR on it, pressing the home and on/off buttons simultaneously, trying to shock its system back, but eventually had to admit that my iPhone had gone to join all those iMacs in the sky. I found myself at the cell phone provider, and happily I had insurance, but my replacement wouldn’t be here until tomorrow. TOMORROW! Freaking TOMORROW? As in overnight without a phone? Didn’t they realize I get upset about a thirty second download?

I went home trying to be brave. I had my iPad, but always relying on my iPhone hot spot, I did not have WiFi in my house. I soon discovered an iPad is basically a paperweight without an internet connection. My literary soul was a prisoner of the cloud. Eventually I put it down and just sat there. My cocktail wasn’t even any good. The internet had denatured the alcohol. I began to look around the house. No TV, I don’t use them, no magazines, newspapers, only a leather bound, King James Bible.

I stood there looking at it, and finally picked it up, making my way back to the porch. It was an exquisite Bible. The leather lending its fragrance to the pages, and the letters were large, which is always nice. I opened it, and began to thumb through its pages. I always check out the Sermon on the Mount. As I began to read, where my iPad had lost its magic, the Bible was the same as the day I set it down, but with one difference. You simply can’t read the Bible online. The act of actually turning the pages creates a feeling. Without all the internet commentary the words become clearer. The old English is better than modern translations trying to explain away the simple truths within.

Before I knew it I was skipping around through different books, and each time the reading invoked deep thought, leading me to yet another passage, then another, and another until I realized it was late, and was forced to set it down and retire. I’m a student of Christopher Hitchens, and very much admire his logic, but I differ with him on the origin of man, the universe, morality and the entity I believe to be behind it all. Without literary tricks the reasoning behind the Bible was crystal clear. Oh, and there was something else. I realized why the connection was still there. The feeling I felt when I bought my first Bible at fourteen years old had never left. It was still “five bars!” I like to call it “Spiritual WiFi!”

Bill the Butcher
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I write right off the top of my head. I'm direct, funny, and simple. The key word is, "simple." I have a high school education from Killeen High in Killeen, Texas, and that's about as illiterate as you can be, and they still let you drive a car. No use trying to slander me. If you want to dig dirt on me you'd better bring a dump truck, because friend, I've done it all. If there was anything I missed it's only because no one told me about it, because if they did, well, I'd have done that, too! I call myself, "A Simple Ol' Boy From Austin," because when I fall short I can always say, "Hey, I told you from the start that I was stupid."

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