Lazy Days and Monday



Lazy days and Mondays. About the only thing of merit the government has done in the last fifty years is the jockeying of holidays to Monday. If you want my thoughts on the matter I think every Monday should be a holiday. I can’t remember ever getting up all excited about Monday.

Friday’s are cool, but if you have a Friday holiday, such as Thanksgiving, our one four day relief, then it makes Monday a real MONDAY! Makes you wonder how many executions are conducted on that day. In addition to everything else that sucks about Monday, imagine waking up dead! And not even a party the night before. In Texas your last meal is whatever the prison is serving that day. With my luck it would be a Monday and tuna day all at the same time. Now if that won’t rehabilitate you I’m not a white boy from Austin!

The banks, and all the utilities are closed on holidays, so I’m confident they won’t turn my lights off today and my money’s safe for at least another twenty-four hours. Monday is football, and with it being a holiday they’ll be playing their fool heads off. I never watch football because I don’t understand it, and with all the knee jerk reactions coming out of the Negro Football League that’s just one more reason not to sit for hours with friends pretending I’m having a good time.

I’ll probably grill something. I’ve gotten lazy of late, and taken to buying smoked brisket from a local butcher down the road. Then I throw a couple pieces of wood on the grill, add the ore-cooked meat, open up some potato salad and tell my guests I cooked all night because I knew they were coming over. I’m such an ass. Since I don’t have a private life outside of my dog, and she’s not talking, there’s no one to put the lie to me, and the guests wind up drunk anyway. Monday’s don’t suck near as bad when you’re retired because you sometimes wake up, and not know what day it is anyway. And you don’t care!

Bill the Butcher
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I write right off the top of my head. I'm direct, funny, and simple. The key word is, "simple." I have a high school education from Killeen High in Killeen, Texas, and that's about as illiterate as you can be, and they still let you drive a car. No use trying to slander me. If you want to dig dirt on me you'd better bring a dump truck, because friend, I've done it all. If there was anything I missed it's only because no one told me about it, because if they did, well, I'd have done that, too! I call myself, "A Simple Ol' Boy From Austin," because when I fall short I can always say, "Hey, I told you from the start that I was stupid."