Ramadan…A Fast with a Menu

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Author’s note: every people needs a sense of humor and that includes muslims. And to that affect we offer you a snarky look at Ramadan…now don’t come looking to chop off our heads.

Muslim husband to wife as dawn approaches: “I think I’ll have to brush my teeth ONE more time.” Muslim wife to husband: “So stop fasting already.”

Ramadan…not really a holiday per se as it’s just the name of a month…a month that actually revolves around food or should we say a muslim’s self-perceived lack thereof. Ramadan…a month where muslims are ‘supposed’ to remember the needy and poor by giving to charity…after all when one thinks of islamists one naturally thinks of charity now doesn’t one. And aside from the garb most islamic men wear, they really don’t have much in common with Mother Teresa.

Ramadan is also a month where muslims ‘supposedly’ get spiritually closer to allah. You know allah…the made up deity conceived via an epileptic seizure anointed by Muhammad to be islam’s god…a god who commands death to those not following his ideological manifesto…sura and verse.

And when this ‘supposed’ month of reverence and piety ends…a month where fasting is a must-do…Eid then begins. Eid…a three day long “chow-down” consisting of eating a “huge dinner” with family and friends…which by the way is done every night while ‘fasting’ during Ramadan…and where the faithful give gifts of candy and money to their many many many…many many many many…children birthed by islam’s allowed up to four wives. And while during Eid it’s mandatory to dress up in one’s party best… muslim women now happily take off their black burka ‘garbage bags’ and put on their dark gray or midnight blue ones…an islamic version of a month’s worth of casual Fridays.

Ramadan…a month of spiritual rules and must-dos that include fasting from dawn to dusk…with food and drinking liquids being a definite no-no…with smoking and having sex not allowed as well…means the goats, sheep, and camels are very happy this month. And while those who are “ill, elderly, pregnant, breastfeeding, diabetic, menstruating, or traveling” are not required to fast, those who do fast have absolutely no idea what the word ‘fasting’ actually means.

Fasting to muslims during Ramadan means food and drinks are only allowed before dawn and after dusk…as in they can freely eat for roughly 12 hours a day…making the concept of fasting but a joke. It’s the difference between “I’m so busy at the office I’ll have to skip lunch”…and…”Hi, my name is Ghandi.”

Skipping lunch is not fasting for when one is allowed to pack on the proverbial “feed bag” for 12 hours a day one tends to be fatter at the end of Ramadan than one was when Ramadan began.

And all that extra weight must truly drive muslims crazy for fasting during Ramadan is ‘supposedly’ a spiritual cleansing…a cleansing to make one even more pious…so it’s no wonder muslims are so crabby at the end of their fast. Being seriously stuffed to the gills by the end of the month…way more than they are during the rest of the year…makes it so much harder to make bombs that go boom and to pray with ones butt pointed up in the air lest CCR’s “Bad Moon Rising” replace the more traditional muslim call to prayers.

And with said fast comes the obligation that sinful behavior negates the fast and as such is ‘verboten’ during Ramadan…sinful behavior as in no fighting…except in self-defense that is. But with Ramadan each year actually showing a statistical increase in violence we guess that means it’s still okay to blow something or someone up or to rape a camel or a goat that might be attacking you..after all skipping lunch does tend to cloud one’s judgment…something allah will surely understand.

And then there’s the sinful behavior of lying which also negates fasting’s ‘supposed’ rewards. So the faithful must truly be in a quandary for if lying during Ramadan is also truly ‘verbotin’ how can it be that at the same time the qur’an commands taqiyya as a must do…24/7-365 taqiyya in fact…but thanks to granola bars and deli counter ham sandwiches we infidels are a hardy bunch not so easy to take down.

No lunch…no snacks…for 12 hours does get to one I guess.

Now as to the word Ramadan itself, which comes from the Arabic root word, “ar-Ramad,” notice that one cannot spell Ramadan, ar-Ramad, or for that matter “Muhammad” without including the word “mad”…the very word which tells everything one really needs to know regarding the true meaning of Ramadan.

And that alone might be why muslim women excused from obligatory fasting should they happen to be menstruating, brings to the fore just how mad a muslim woman with PMS must be.

Now to be exact, the month-long period of fasting for those muslims who don’t have the sniffles… which is only mandatory between dawn and dusk…sees fatwas being issued declaring that those millions upon millions of “refujihadis” who have migrated to places with such natural phenomenon as the midnight sun or polar night…should follow the timetable of Mecca.

That of course throws off the whole daylight savings time thing, as the thriving populations of muslims at both the North and South Poles must set their watches all the way back to the 7th century. That said, we have watched nearly every National Geographic documentary regarding the land of polar bears and the land of penguins, and have yet to notice even a single garbage bag wearing or self-detonating head down, ass up follower of the manifesto.

There is a natural reason for that, by the way, as no camels, goats or donkeys can be found at either pole, and penguins are too hard to hold onto. And those muslims who try to mate with polar bears quickly become polar poop…as the great white bears don’t observe Ramadan and thus…no fasting for them.

Now then on the off chance that any muslim would inexplicably find him or herself at either the North or South Pole during Ramadan, the more commonly accepted opinion is that in those areas they should follow the timetable of the closest country to them in which night can be distinguished from day.

This of course means that the best bet for “Eskimuslim” men or women is simply to claim they are traveling or menstruating, and head for the nearest all-you-can-eat barbarian buffet.

Beware however, should you be a muslim in a country where night and day are clearly marked, which would obviously include all your various Buttcrackistans, because a failure to fast during Ramadan may well be considered a crime.

Take Algeria as an example…back in October 2008 the court of Biskra condemned six people to four years in prison and heavy fines because one of those guys ate a lone ‘booger’…and according to a 1968 law in Kuwait, the penalty for eating during Ramadan is roughly 100 Dinars and no more than a month in jail.

Over in the UAE however, eating while the sun shines during the month of fasting is considered a minor offense and the snacking muslim offender is usually sentenced to something like 150 hours of community service…which of course begs the question…what in the wide, wide world of islamists constitutes “community service?”

In the civilized world community service would include things like picking up litter in the park, washing graffiti off the sides of buildings or working at the local soup kitchen, but in the UN-civilized muslim world (and take note that you can’t spell uncivilized without U.N.), one can easily suppose that community service would include chores such as…

Working in bomb disposal

Performing at the local islamist karaoke bar

Picking up trash along the highway

Things are a bit different for muslims in Saudi Arabia however, and getting caught with a mouthful or sipping a tall cool glass of anything wet during Ramadan could very well get one flogged, sent off to prison or if the offending muslim happens to be from some other islamic nation…such as the North or South Pole…they could be deported as well.

In proper perspective the punishments for breaking the rules of anything but a strict fast during Ramadan seems pretty stiff stuff…so why not just get to the heart of the matter and send the well hydrated and/or anything but malnourished rogue jihadis to bed without their dinner?

Doesn’t that seem more appropriate?

ISIS, naturally, has warped the whole thing from a month long al-Jazera sponsored muslim mattress marathon sale into a time to launch attacks all over the world…which when one thinks about it is exactly the same thing ISIS does when it’s not Ramadan so who really can tell the difference?

So…islam being not really a religion has a holiday which is not a day but a month during which practitioners fast on Thanksgiving sized meals as long as it’s dark outside. During ‘ramalamadingdong’ muslims are supposed to engage in charity, which they rarely if ever do, and some are encouraged to step up the violence which they always seem to do anyway.

Frankly, there really doesn’t seem to be any difference between the month of Ramadan and the other eleven months on their calendar save for skipping lunch, but since muslims make a big who-ha over it…the least we could do is recognize the abject obliqueness of it all, and so in an effort to assist in the annual Ramadan celebration, we at RIGHT SIDE PATRIOTS have come up with a special sentiment for a new line of ‘Happy Ramadan’ greeting cards…

We Know You’re Islamic, and Therefore Barbaric,
and Hungry and Thirsty as well…
May Your Bombs Go Off Early,
Your Virgins be Burly,
And there be Nothing But Bacon in Hell.

Happy Ramadan to the ‘so-called’ religion of peace.

Copyright @ 2018 Diane Sori and Craig Andresen / Right Side Patriots / All Rights Reserved.

https://thepatriotfactor.blogspot.com/2018/05/op-ed-ramadan.html

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RIGHT SIDE PATRIOTS…LIVE!

Today, Tuesday, May 15th from 7 to 9pm EST on American Political Radio, RIGHT SIDE PATRIOTS Craig Andresen and Diane Sori discuss ‘Ramadan: A Fast with a Menu; the latest happenings in Israel; and other important news of the day.

Hope you can tune in at: http://listen.samcloud.com/w/73891/American-Political-Radio#history

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