Get Your Biscuits In The Oven

And Your Buns In The Bed


Rosie the WelderGet your Biscuits in the oven and your buns in the bed. If you’re triggered by misogyny better go to Bill Mahr’s site right now.

Now don’t get me wrong. I believe men and women should be equal under the law. The only thing men misunderstand is the term “weaker sex.” Women have one more chromosome than men and updated software to run it. They have babies and walk around the nursery like they got good sense by the next day. The live longer, smell better and even though their brains are actually smaller than men, they can use theirs with pin point accuracy. Combine this with total recall and you can quickly see how men are over  matched.

Because of these very reasons God made women smaller and weaker than men in order to level the playing field. If women were as physically strong as men slavery would still be around and we’d be THEM! We simply must keep these creatures under control.

I, myself, have lost the battle of the sexes six times. I simply cannot hold onto a wife. Brother Theo tells me that I have a problem with long term relationships. I’m great for two minutes, and come to think of it, that may be the problem right there.

When Hillary ran for president I was genuinely concerned, what with Trump’s famous bus tape leaking out. I thought all the women voters were gonna eat him butt first so his head died last. I think the ladies considered Trump going to the White House as apposed to Bill going BACK to the White House and misunderstood MAGA for “My GOD!”

The world may be better if women ran it. In a way they do. The First Lady broke rank recently and openly scolded Trump and both sides of the isle. Trump didn’t tweet a COMMA! She even wore a ”screw you” jacket to drive home her point. You go girl.

I am genuinely put off by fat women marching down the street with vagina hats on. Too many Biscuits! Did you ever notice all those pro-choice advocates are women you wouldn’t want to have sex with anyway? And the rules of engagement now. Back in my day it was, “Don’t Mess up my hair!” I’m glad I’m past MENapause. That’s the age when you know you’re old and ugly so you don’t embarrass yourself or others. You’re over the hill when you can legally marry a girl who was born after you got your first divorce.

So, if you’ve got a lady who puts her Biscuits in the oven and her buns in the bed, you’re lucky. Soon the only women who’ll do that will arrive on your front porch in a shipping crate and come with batteries and a charger. And even then she’ll probably connect with Alexa and be talking back within a month.

Bill the Butcher
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I write right off the top of my head. I'm direct, funny, and simple. The key word is, "simple." I have a high school education from Killeen High in Killeen, Texas, and that's about as illiterate as you can be, and they still let you drive a car. No use trying to slander me. If you want to dig dirt on me you'd better bring a dump truck, because friend, I've done it all. If there was anything I missed it's only because no one told me about it, because if they did, well, I'd have done that, too! I call myself, "A Simple Ol' Boy From Austin," because when I fall short I can always say, "Hey, I told you from the start that I was stupid."