Everybody’s Got Something To Hide

The Idiot’s Guide To Sexual Assault

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Caveman Everybody’s Got Something To Hide. Write that down, there’ll be a quiz later. Was talking with Brother Theo last night, covering several subjects, and we came upon Bill Cosby. Now, I’m just gonna come straight out with you. I think the case against Bill Cosby is a crock of crap! And Whoopi Goldberg, I hope to God you’re reading this. I’ve been laying for you ever since you cussed out Judge Jeanine in the hallway after her appearance on The View. Anyway, from the get go I had a burr under my saddle for that pack of hos that took off after Bill as he stumbled around on his walking stick. Is that misogynistic enough for ya? Well save your fork it’s gonna get better, and there’ll be a happy ending.

First off I don’t condone forcible rape, ie knock girl down and assault her. My mother told me when I was a kid that if I ever hurt a good girl that she’d beat me with an iron skillet. Then she gave me a demonstration by beating  me with an iron skillet. Consequently, the only come-on line I ever had was, ”Will you marry me?” Been married six times and mama never had to beat me with an iron skillet.

Please note that mama qualified her warning with the phrase ”good girl.” Good girls don’t go to TV stars’ pads to drink and pop pills. That would be a ho! ”Oh Lawdy! I was just washing down some ’ludes’ with some vodka and my clothes fell off!” Honey, you were at Bill’s house for a REASON!

Don’t get me wrong. Hollywood is the hardest wood in the world. For some aspiring starlet the prospects are thin, and if they find themselves partying with someone like Bill Cosby it takes a little bit of the handicap off. Even then you’re not secure. You can hitch your wagon to a star, but the ride only goes so far. When the fling is done you might as well go out and jump off that silly sign on the hill they make so much fuss about. You can bask in the star’s light only so long, and when they’re done, you’re done. Case in point is that skinny girl who popped up in several Clint Eastwood movies. They broke up and I don’t think she’s made a toothpaste commercial since. What WAS her name?

Two nights ago I watched a couple videos gathering information for upcoming articles. One was the rather studious looking kid, and she was going on about, you guessed it, sexual assault! Now I tried to follow, I really did. It started out making sense, but in the end she went all ”California.” Did you ever notice when anyone cites California as a qualifier you just know it’s gonna get weird? Anyway, ”No means no.” OK, I get it! ”Do you wanna?” ”No!” ”Waiter, separate checks please.” Hey! Women are always going on about wanting to be equal with men. Just playing by the rules they set.

Then she expanded the licensing process required these days to consummate the act. Apparently permits can be revoked at any time. Any time ”No” is invoked the man has to pee on the fire and call in the dogs. Well, my friend Millennial, it don’t work like that! You see boys are boys, and girls are girls, and they’re well, different. Boys are like, aggressive, and girls are sort of submissive, and that’s where babies come from. Of course you have the combination of boy and girl. Gays don’t make babies, they make Supreme Court Rulings, but that’s a subject for a whole other article. You can’t change this. It’s been that way ever since the first caveman with a club said, ”UG!” and she said, ”No!” We all know how that worked out for her.

The other video was this cute little neuroscientist PHD demonstrating the effects of alcohol on the brain by drinking boiler makers and explaining the effects they were having in her pretty little head. She began the demonstration by talking in twenty letter words and wound up blowing her hair out of her eyes, not able to pronounce the word ”neuroscientist!” About the time her eyes crossed all I could think was, ”Ug!”

The final factor in Bill Cosby’s fall from grace is timing. I can understand a girl running to the police within a reasonable amount of time and filing a complaint. I don’t understand waiting until you’re damn near on Social Security and realize you’re NOT gonna get a spot on the Cosby Show, claim your life was ruined by one party and you need “closure!” And oh, by the way baby, if you were supposedly stoned out of your mind how’d you remember so much?

Bill will take the fall. That’s the times we live in. Am I advocating drugging women in order to have non-consensual sex? Absolutely not. But do I think everyone should take personal responsibility for acts in the dark between adults decades ago? Well, while Brother Theo and I were talking about this last night he sang a line from an old Beatles tune that just about sums it up. In private acts between adults, “Everybody’s got something to hide ‘cept for me and my pee pee!”

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The Butcher Shop is an alternative news source based in the Tea Party Tribune. It is a collection of minds started by Bill the Butcher, a conservative op/ed journalist who began publishing forty years ago. We strive to make the articles informative, entertaining, and diverse. All you see will cause you to stop and consider. We try not to drone on with the same old day after day clap trap that may have driven you away from mainstream media. So, what’s your cut of meat? Shop around. The Butcher Shop is happy to fill your order.

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