The Bill of Lefts

    The reconstituting of the Constitution

    Bill of Lefts

    Bill of LeftsWhen I was in the first grade I was taught the Bill of Rights. It all made perfect sense. Now law students at the University of Texas not only don’t know what it is, but even agreed with an Alex Jones street poll that Obama had nullified the Bill with an executive order. It became the Bill of Lefts. I think the problem is clarity. With the steeped legal language it might be better to rephrase the wording a bit so that regular Americans can grasp the meaning. So here is a decidedly Texas slant to the Bill of Rights.

    Amendment 1

    Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion or prohibiting the free exercise thereof, or abridging the freedom of speech or of the press, or the right of the people peaceably to assemble and to petition the government for a redress of grievances.

    Go to church anywhere you want, cuss out your mother in law, watch Alex Jones, and bitch at the government!

    Amendment 2

    A well-regulated militia being necessary to the security of a free state, the right of the people to keep and bear arms shall not be infringed.

    Ya’ll can have guns if you ain’t already robbed a bank.

    Amendment 3

    No soldier shall, in time of peace, be quartered in any house without the consent of the owner, nor in time of war but in a manner to be prescribed by law.

    Don’t house no soldiers if you have a daughter. If you don’t have a daughter see if the soldier can get you cheap cigarettes at the PX.

    Amendment 4

    The right of the people to be secure in their persons, houses, papers, and effects against unreasonable searches and seizures shall not be violated, and no warrants shall issue but upon probable cause, supported by oath or affirmation, and particularly describing the place to be searched and the persons or things to be seized.

    Only thugs can take your stuff. Cops and such gotta say “Mother May I.”

    Amendment 5

    No person shall be held to answer for a capital or otherwise infamous crime unless on a presentment or indictment of a grand jury, except in cases arising in the land or naval forces, or in the militia, when in actual service in time of war or public danger; nor shall any person be subject for the same offense to be twice put in jeopardy of life or limb; nor shall be compelled in any criminal case to be a witness against himself, nor be deprived of life, liberty, or property without due process of law; nor shall private property be taken for public use without just compensation

    Don’t tell the man NOTHING! .

    Amendment 6

    In all criminal prosecutions, the accused shall enjoy the right to a speedy and public trial by an impartial jury of the state and district wherein the crime shall have been committed, which district shall have been previously ascertained by law, and to be informed of the nature and cause of the accusation; to be confronted with the witnesses against him; to have compulsory process for obtaining witnesses in his favor; and to have the assistance of counsel for his defense.

    The laws gotta get in your face double quick in your own back yard with your family sitting on the jury. It helps if the judge is married to your sister and can count to two.

    Amendment 7

    In suits at common law, where the value in controversy shall exceed twenty dollars, the right of trial by jury shall be preserved, and no fact tried by a jury shall be otherwise reexamined in any court of the United States than according to the rules of the common law.

    Good luck if you can twelve people willing to split twenty dollars for three days’ work. If you lose write a hot check and don’t come into town for a couple weeks.

    Amendment 8

    Excessive bail shall not be required, nor excessive fines imposed, nor cruel and unusual punishments inflicted.

    iPads can be used for bail, and fines. Community service is off limits for Millennials.

    Amendment 9

    The enumeration in the Constitution of certain rights shall not be construed to deny or disparage others retained by the people.

    WTF? Just don’t say the “N” word!

    Amendment 10

    The powers not delegated to the United States by the Constitution, nor prohibited by it to the states, are reserved to the states respectively, or to the people.

    Kinfolks first, neighbors next, the government needs to mind its own business.

    From The Mind of a Dumb Ole Biker

    The Long Way Home


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