CigarBox

I’m a little whore

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CIGARBOX

The next day she walked over to his house about two miles away. She always followed the runway of the airstrip. She enjoyed looking at the private planes and imagined that one day she would fly in one of them all CIGARBOXaround the country just like Claudette, Mike’s mother, making big deals and having dinner in far away exotic places. The cool fall air was a refreshing break from the oven-hot heat of summer. It put a spring in everyone’s step and June was no exception. The cedar trees didn’t turn colors like any tree that had good sense, but it was fall just the same. Her stepfather, Ray would hesitate before entering the Bend without an invitation, but June felt no such social constraints. To her the area was just the big houses “out there.” Her mother had told her that the Bend was the old Stillwell Ranch, but she couldn’t see any sign of the ranch now. If there had ever been cattle out there they were long gone now! Michael was still sleeping. She let herself in. Everyone in Michael’s family knew June, and to look up and see her coming in, or even see her suddenly appear at the breakfast table was not an unusual occurrence at all. Michael’s stepfather, Bill, was just making coffee when she came in.

“Hey!”

“Oh, hi June. Mike’s still asleep.”

She got her cup down and put chocolate syrup in it while waiting for the coffee to drip. She dropped by so often that the maid had even assigned her a coffee cup. “Yeah, I know. He had a hard time last night at Fat Eddie’s.”

“Lot of catfish?”

“Yeah, then we walked and talked for about an hour. I knew he’d be wrung out today.”

The older man got his cup down and the pot began to “grumble” as the last bit of coffee fell through the basket. June got up and poured her coffee and then his. Sitting back down she asked, “How do you know when you are in love?”

He looked into the sky blue eyes for a moment. “Are you in love?”

She grinned and sipped the coffee, “Yah, recon that I am.”

“That’s how. You just know.”

“Nah, I mean, how will I know when Michael is in love?”

Something told Michael’s dad that there was more to the “walk” she’d mentioned than a stroll around City Park. “You and Mike getting close? Well, I guess you can tell that Michael is in love if he stops eating.”

She looked at him for a moment. June’s eyes could never lie. She just nodded and sipped her coffee. “I wanna marry him.”

He knew that she was only sixteen, but he also knew that this was the last thing he wanted to hear. It appeared that June was very passionately in love with Michael, or at least the idea of Michael, and she had “set her sights” for him more or less. The older man knew that this little lady was dead serious. This was a Texas girl who would get what she wanted. He laughed a bit to himself that Mike was caught and didn’t even know it. June was in control of this situation; full control. She had roped Mike in the night before and never missed a beat. No remorse, no regret. It was just a thing that needed doing, and she did it. Young men were caught in Texas in this way all the time. Now to the little lady with her Social Services degree down at the county office building this would be horrible, but June understood life as it really was, and this was the way things were done! Yes, Michael was as hooked as he could be. He was a married man already and he didn’t even know it.

“What about school?”

“Oh, I’ll finish, some day. This is just more important. This is something I gotta do. You know what I mean? I’ll just go into real estate like ya’ll here. You don’t gotta know anything to be in real estate.”

He sipped the coffee, “Yeah, June, I know what you mean. Or you could be a lawyer. Now they really don’t need to know anything to be in business.”

She finished the cup and went over and picked up an apple from the window basket full of fruit. Turning she smiled and eased back to Michael’s room. Slipping in, she didn’t wake him, but just stood there for the longest time looking at him. For a moment she seemed to drift off into fog in her mind. She felt a presence in the room besides herself and Michael, but she couldn’t put her finger on it. Then her mouth opened and she began to speak; like speaking in tongues in church. To her great surprise the words just formed and came out of her mouth.

“Oh, my love. I have known you since before hereafter. I am this land, and this land is I. I will know you long after we are apart. My soul is your soul, and my heart is your heart. Where ever you may go, what ever you may be…I will follow thee.”

She was frankly startled that she’d said such a thing. She didn’t believe such nonsense, but she’d said it anyway. She’d said it in such a whisper that only the angels had heard, and even they weren’t quite sure she’d said it. Then the second part of the ritual was upon her. She reached over and placed the apple by his head on the pillow.

In the same room, beyond the veil, Veronica asked, “How did I do that?”

“You stepped into her form.”

“I would have never said anything like that; why did I say it?”

Her spirit guide looked away, and then at her, “You spoke while in bilocation.”

She looked back at the scene, at her form still standing there, and then faced the man again, “What is that?”

“You are existing in two dimensions, on two planes. Your ‘other self,’ the girl you see in the image is actually you. Remember, back in the car when I told you that your spirit name would be ‘Veronica?’ You have but one soul, though that soul may have many manifestations. That soul is, was, and will be. She can feel you are here, though she can’t see you. Your thoughts are her thoughts. It’s kind of like when a person is confirmed in the Catholic Church. They take on a confirmation name, a spirit name. That Spiritual side of them is as real as the flesh. This is not just a movie you are watching, Veronica this is life. In addition to that, God creates billions of realities, or time lines. We actually have the freedom to choose the time line best suited for us. That young lady there with that apple is just as alive as you are. She is not “locked” into anything. Now, add to that you are a highly developed soul, one with special dispensation. That is why I’m here. Your soul speaks at it knows to speak. When June spoke to Michael, it was actually Veronica that was speaking. Do you remember saying the words to your future husband?”

She looked down, and moved away a bit, “Yes. I remember. I just don’t know why. It was like you said. It was almost like I felt me watching me.”

His eyes filled with compassion, “Because you know your destiny Veronica. You and only you know both sides of the coin. You made a promise that you will fulfill.”

“Could there be other ‘Junes’ watching us now, from yet another dimension?”

“Could be. Only God knows that. He sits above the whole show and watches us all. He watches us choose the time line we want. Choose wisely, Veronica. There are many watching, and depending upon you.”

A great sadness filled her heart, and she looked back at the bedroom. Mike was still sleeping with the apple by his head. The man continued, “He’ll never have that depth of soul. He’ll never appreciate these truths, even after he’s dead ten thousand years, but you, you have known these things from the beginning of your existence.”

“Why?”

“Because much is demanded of you, because much has been given to you. There are many things that you will make right if you choose the right path. Through you one will come which will right wrongs of centuries past. When you said you were of this land you spoke the truth. It’s time for your first time and space lesson. While you were on earth you thought of time as one second after another. It was one time following another, endlessly, on and on. On this side time doesn’t work that way. We are in the eternal now. You can’t even imagine the eternal now. The man that’s looking for us can, though. He travels through time and in between the spirit world and the earthly world with ease. He discovered your son’s linage and came back through time to arrange my death and the position of my soul so that I could wait for you at that intersection. He left me in that Purgatory of a place, thinking that I’d agree with his little plan, but he never considered that I had a mind of my own. That’s your first lesson in time and space. We have to stay on course. You have a choice to make, and before you can make that choice, I have to make you understand a lot of things.”

She walked into the room and looked at herself. June was young and fresh, with a look of expectation in her eyes. She was amazed at this. She remembered her eyes that morning, before leaving Doc’s apartment and how the age had shown through them, but this girl was happy, and yet there was an aura of destiny to her. It amused her at how she could see it so clearly from this perspective, and had never seen in from the other. That plane had always been there it seems, and she could have seen it had she only looked. She turned, and walked back through the door that only she and her spirit guide could see, and once again, she was with him.

“I loved him”

“Loved. Now after all that has happened?”

“After all that has happened.”

“You said Ray was the only man you ever loved.”

“Different love, different man.”

“Now it’s my turn to ask ‘why?”

She stepped away, “It’s a story that you won’t understand. It’s a story of a mistake, a very big mistake, and if I could take it back, I would, but I can’t. Now let me tell you something, Mr. Angel, or what ever you are; there are some doors that once you walk through you can’t never walk back out again. There are some choices you should never make. There are some timelines God shouldn’t have created. There are some mistakes that you make that leave a mark on you, and folks can’t see it, but the mark is there all the same, and everyone knows it, even though they can’t see it. And it don’t matter how old you are when you make the mistake, or why you made it, you just make it all the same, and the mark is there; and the mark don’t wash off. Not in the shower, not in the baptizin’, not ever!”

“Tell me.”

She looked down, “I’m a whore.”

He reached and took her hand, “Veronica, the entire universe knows the mistake. Only you have a problem working it out. That’s why I’m here.” He raised her eyes to his and looked directly into the sky blue irises, “You must get through this. God demands it of you!”

She began to sob, “God demands it? God demands it? All my life God has demanded things of me! He sits on my shoulder like that angel you see in cartoons, just waiting for me to make a mistake so He can tell me I’m wrong. Well, I’m not wrong. I have a life. I HAVE a life!”

Just then, she realized he was looking even deeper into her soul. She straightened up, stunned, “I had a life. That’s why we’re here, isn’t it? Why didn’t the truck hit?”

“It will, give it time. You must grow a little bit before it does. Now, let me tell you something. I wasn’t supposed to be able to leave that intersection when I did. I wasn’t supposed to be able to freeze time like I did, but in twenty years even I can learn something. I learned that when you entered that intersection I could attach myself to you and leave. The shaman’s plan is not going according to plan right now. I’ve taken you to teach you. You have a choice to make, and if I’d have let you make it right away, as it had been planned, the outcome would have been exactly as he had predicted it would be, but I came up with a better idea.”

Then he reached and pulled her head to his chest, “You still have your life, but you need to understand what you must do with it. Your life is very valuable. You are the center of this whole thing, and I think you’re going to surprise some people. You have a life, and that life is beautiful!”

“No. No, Mr. Angel, I don’t have a life. I haven’t had a life since I made that mistake. You really don’t understand, do you? Don’t they give you ‘angel’ classes before they send you down here, or do you just not understand human nature? You never felt the fire.”

He left his hand around her shoulder and said, “I understand human nature a lot more than you imagine, Veronica. I wasn’t sent down here, I was stuck down here. I can’t leave until I get this one thing right. I have been sealed here until I…” His voice trailed off.

“Until you what? What do you have to do?”

“I can’t tell you.”

“Oh, c’mon. Bullshit! You have something on your mind, now what is it?”

His face betrayed his feelings. “I was put at the intersection to make sure your son died.”

“What? You want to kill my son?”

“Not kill! I could never do that. I was a witness, that’s all. If he’d been strapped securely I was to make sure the seat belt was a little too loose. I was there to see this thing through, and if I did I would be set free of the Purgatory I’d been sealed to for all these years. All I had to do was just make sure that that car crash takes its natural course. Your father in law didn’t loose the boy’s car seat. It was taken. That was to make sure that he was not protected and that he would fly through the windshield.”

“Why?”

“Like I told you. So I could ascend.”

“By murder?”

“Not murder. Just making sure the right timeline is used.”

“But why?”

“Like I’ve told you. He’s the heir. If he lives this shaman fellow looses his power and his life.”

“Well, why didn’t you just do it? What happened?”

“It took me twenty years to figure out just how to do this thing. I froze the scene and got you out of the car because I have a solution, but I need your help.”

“Well, tell me.”

“That’s the part I can’t tell you; yet. I have to let you see some things because when I tell you what I have to tell you the choice will be the hardest one you’ve ever had to make, but if you make it right it will benefit all of us. It will help all of us but the shaman. He’s not going to like it one bit.”

“And he’s looking for us?”

“Yes, and you really have to understand the psychology of this thing. I can’t let June make this decision. Veronica has to make this particular choice.”

“Oh, it’s ‘Doctor Angel,’ now?”

“No, just someone stuck in the middle with you.”

“And I have to be the ‘purified soul’ to do this thing. This holy creature.”

“In a manner of speaking, yes. I tend to call it an evolved state.”

“And when I’ve evolved enough, we go back to Memphis, I climb back in that car and the show goes on.”

“Yes, and hopefully you’ll make the right choice. At least that’s the way I’ve got it figured.”

She pulled back from him. “Well figure this out; I committed adultery! I’m a little whore! Do you know what that is? So if you’re waiting for some salvation from me you’re just shit out of luck!”

She folded her arms in front of her chest and stared at him.

“Want to talk about it?”

She turned quickly away, “No. No, no!” Shaking her head, she just walked a few paces and turned back around. “It’ll be a while before I can talk about it. I can’t believe I did what I did. I picked the very worse thing a woman can do and I destroyed two families with it. That’s what I live with. That’s what I did! I can’t bring many things back. Lots of people I can’t bring back.” She wiped the tears away. “Ray!” June had this way of biting her lower lip and looking at a person indignantly when she was caught in a mistake as if to actually challenge them to say anything about her error. The man was amazed that he was actually disarmed by her look. He could see how this face could really launch a thousand ships, or make a boy do man things.

The Butcher ShopShe took a breath and said, “We planned to get married, but they took Mike away from me. I got him back, but I really had to work at it.”

“This is a good beginning, and I think you’re on the right track. When you tell me your story then I’ll be able to tell you what we need to do. I need to know your story, from your side of things. You have to relive some of these things. As you tell me the story, and we watch it, you’ll evolve. Tell me about it,” her spirit guide said.

“Come Doctor Angel,” she said, as she led him to the golf course. “You know so much. Let me tell you about the Bend.”

Woman Who Walks on Stones – The Avenging Angel

The Not So Silent Majority

We Cannot Sleep

Judge Roy Bean’s Ruling on the Jake Patterson Case

The Broker’s Table

Saving Karrie

The Butcher Shop
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