With Trump signing the new improved budget from congress we move into phase two of the great border war. The president wanted five billion, I think he got one. Kay Sarah Sarah. One must ask how many billions went to Saudi Arabia to keep the prince in caviar. Anyway, congress did give Trump a check, albeit not a blank one, but a check none the less.
Let’s approach this not as politicians, but as middle class working Americans who struggle each month to keep the lights on and beer in the box. So, you got a billion dollars, and problems on the border. Now, if I personally had a billion dollars I’d buy a huge ranch with security, and hire the Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders to staff the house, but that’s just me, ok? The president, on the other hand already has a big house with Melania and Ivanka. So he’s gotta spend the money where he said he would. So let’s consider this. It sounds reasonable that some areas along the border are more insecure than others. For instance the stretch near Eagle Pass, Texas is most likely more insecure than say, Downtown El Paso, wouldn’t you think. Now let’s identify about a billion dollars worth of wall along those areas first!
The border is not totally insecure. Only about two hundred or so miles are out there in the wild wild west. San Diego, for instance, has a very nice wall, with locking doors, and if you don’t believe that just look at what happened to the famous “caravan” that ran up against it last month. The border patrol slammed it so tight LEGAL entrants couldn’t even come over to shop at Walmart. It cancelled many family get togethers at Thanksgiving. Families south of the border had to forgo turkey in San Diego and stay home with the big enchilada! So, we don’t have to worry about areas like that. Also, vast stretches are desert or mountains or even desert AND mountains. Whoever is stupid enough to try to walk across Death Valley on the way to Hollywood DESERVES to be an American! Death Valley got that name for a reason. A more modern name might be “Dead Mexican Drop Off.” Americans of the Yankee persuasion think that the Mojave is now a more kinder, gentler place just because it has interstate highways running through it. No está bien! Same ol’ crackers. That’s why when you’re driving through Arizona and someone says, “My, it’s so beautiful out here,” what they’re really saying is, “I’m glad we have gas!”
So, in those areas you don’t have to build a state of the art wall. Just maintain the barrier you have, and use a little bit of that billion or so to beef up the staff, and give them technological tools they need to chase Pablo across Ocatillo Wells. All you really have to do is wave a bottle of water at them and they’ll chase YOU! God! Do I have to tell you people everything? I should run for president. Now, where was I? Oh yes.
So, most of the border is secure. We plug the leakiest holes, and beef up staff with the chump change that is left over. Then one of two things is going to happen. If the wall idea works then along the areas that have new structures, or improved ones, illegal crossings should drop. This doesn’t include routine flights by Cartel Airlines International, but they aren’t coyotes, they’re just dropping off dope, and they go back home, so we can’t include them in the statistics. The president can take these numbers, wave them at congress, and hopefully squeeze another billion or so from the prince’s caviar budget. Over the next two years we close the remaining gaps, and in 2020 we have a big fiesta! Or . . .
The advent of improved structures make no difference at all! We put this wall up, and thirteen year old Mexican girls make sport of going over, under, around, and through. They innovate new ways to breach the thing that would make El Chappo blush with shame. Picture this; you are a Mexican. You can see through this steel picket fence the Gringos put up. You live on tortillas and beans. Your sister works over in Boy’s Town. SHE’S the family bread winner. Oh, and by the way, you should meet his sister, she virgin! So, you’re looking through,the fence at a guy about your age, leaning against a new car, drinking a beer and eating an In N Out burger. You can SMELL it! He’s well dressed, got Nikes on his feet, and the blondest beach bunny you ever saw in your LIFE smoking a joint in the passengers seat of the car. She probably virgin too. And all that stands in the way of this Mexican’s American Dream is this stupid wall with a few Gringos here and there. What could possibly go wrong?
So, there are the two scenarios. Either the wall idea is sound, will work, and congress will crap money like they ate a bad chalupa, or the Mexicans will continue to sneak in as they have for years, and one night even put a scare crow on top of the wall as they slip over to commemorate the biggest straw man in recent times. Adios, amigos!The Butcher Shop