Buttholeary

    Proctolazation

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    129

    Com’ere, I’m a gonna teach you sumpin’. We are a country of buttholes. You know what that is. That body part that’s the far end of your tongue. We eat what’s good and the rest of the world gets what comes out. Yep. I really said that. Now get this. We put a blockade around Cuba to prevent Venezuelan oil from getting there. Now why did we do that. Did you know about that? Did you know Venezuela had oil? Do you even know where Venezuela is? Well, it’s one of them Mexican countries down there in South America.

    Why do we even care if that oil gets to Cuba? Ok, Cuba’s communist, and I guess Venezuela is too, only Venezuela says it’s socialist which is kinda like communism lite, but that doesn’t matter. What danger do these two countries pose to the United States of America? None! Nada! So why are we blockading their trade in oil? Because we’re buttholes! That’s why!

    We are not good neighbors. We are forever spreading freedom wherever big oil tells us to. It’s recently been theorized that there may be oil up on the moon, Titan. Guess we’re gonna need a little freedom up there too, huh? We stick our noses in everybody’s business and then get all upset when they run up here and stick their noses in ours.

    We meddle all around the world in things we know nothing about, and then start screaming about border security. Do you want to know why we don’t have border security? Because we have systematically destroyed the border security of the world. That’s why! Who CARES who won the election in Venezuela. They’re all members of some cartel anyway. Who CARES who the president of Mexico is. They’ll just have another revolution anyway!

    We just spent thirty million dollars to find out if our president ever ate Russian dressing on his salad and God knows how much we spent to keep some guy from topping off his tank in Havana. That’s just buttholeary. We could take that money and give every American health care with no deductible. Time to come to our milk, America. Before we become the hemorrhoid of history!

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    The Butcher Shop is an alternative news source based in the Tea Party Tribune with an eye on God, family, and preservation of America. It is a collection of minds started by Bill the Butcher, a conservative op/ed journalist who began publishing forty years ago. We strive to make the articles informative, entertaining, and diverse. All you see will cause you to stop and consider. We try not to drone on with the same old day after day clap trap that may have driven you away from mainstream media. You will read things here that you will see nowhere else. We are from London to Austin to the Escalanté. So, what’s your cut of meat? Shop around. The Butcher Shop is happy to fill your order.

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