The Enquirer, Wikileaks, and CNN define what we call news these days. I ain’t even gonna lie to you. I can’t remember when anyone in the line at the supermarket actually looked at a copy of the Enquirer much less bought one. The last time I bought one was 1967 when the front page picture was a dead monkey with a cigarette in its mouth. Hey! I’m from Texas, ok?
Wikileaks. Julian Assange. I hope I got that name right. I did a quick check of my news services for it but the story is nowhere to be found. I’ll check the Enquirer when I go for cigarettes later. Anyway, you know the prick. This idiot made a career of being a snitch. He’d hack into someone’s email, find out that they were a crooked politician (is there any other kind?) and puke it out on his website so the great unwashed could roll in it like a dog in a dead armadillo. Then he screwed a little girl, fingered another one and holed up in the Ecuadorian embassy in London claiming asylum status for screwing without a license. I guess the age of consent in Ecuador is like what, TEN? God! The last time I did that the Mexicans just made me marry the chick!
So for the last seven years he lived in the building. Now consider this. You get an all expense paid trip to Vegas. Suite at Caesar’s Palace. Unlimited chips. Only catch is you gotta stay there until Jesus comes back, you can’t leave the building and all they let you eat is tacos! Hey Julian! You’d have made parole by now. Or married the girls. Oh wait. You’d have to be a Muslim or a Mormon to do that, but I digress.
So the government of Ecuador finally gets fed up and pulls his protected status and here come the Bobbies. Now this is good folks, save your fork. He sees the po po coming down the hall and runs to lock himself in his room. Not gonna work Jules. Even English cops kick in doors. I SAY! Does he go gracefully? Why hell NO! He makes ‘em drag him to the Paddy Wagon like a little bitch. NoGood the drug dealer was cooler than that. He pimp walked to to squad car saying something about they mamas. You can’t make this stuff up, folks. It wasn’t sex, but it was damn close!
For all the glamor pictures of him all over the internet this cat looked homeless. Bet that fourteen year old girl wouldn’t look twice at him now. It was just a failure to appear! Sheesh! Of course he’s facing five years in the states when Donald Trump gets his hands on him. Count your lucky stars Bill and Hillary didn’t snag you Julian. They tend to opt for a more “permanent” solution.
And last, but not least, CNN! I worked for CableVision for thirteen years so I tended to regard CNN as gospel. Boring, but accurate. It came out of Atlanta back then, an invention of Ted Turner. Then it got “acquired” by some yankee who bought up all the news services except the Killeen Daily Flabbergasted, and it went from gospel to something loosely resembling Jesus on the Mount of Olives smoking a joint with his three wives!
You can always tell when a CNN commentator is lying because their mouth is open. And as much as the liberals love a good “Trump Dump” even THEY are starting to say, “DAMN!” CNN makes Alex Jones look GOOD. They are so far left that when you have three of them on the screen they argue with their damn selves. I like to watch them when I drink vodka. I watch The Young Turks too, but only for the big busted chicks. I turn the sound down.
We HAVE no more unbiased news sources. It’s InfoTAINMENT! All about the views. The only reason the actual interesting and informative story about a team of astronomers recently photographing a black hole slipped by was that the fake news mistook it for a story about Whoopi and they misread the word “hole” for “ho!”
So, how do you stay informed? You don’t! Until you hear the missile whistling over your roof, or a SWAT team kicks in your door to take your guns don’t believe anything you see on the tube. Just pour a cocktail, tune in The Young Turks, turn the sound down, and enjoy the chick. She VIRGIN!The Butcher Shop